Customer of the Night #21: Angry Drunken Mumbler

Friday night was so busy that I hardly had time to pay any attention to anything, much less bother to get pissed off. For the most part people were really drunk, but polite enough, and everything was going smoothly. It was busy enough that we had three bartenders, with a barback that was also slinging a drink here and there. So this guy that I haven't seen all night comes up and I go over and ask
"What can I do for you?"
"Grlmphclosemlghtabgrlmmph," he replied, making a swirlie motion in the air with his hand.
"Close your tab?" I responded. I am fluent in Drunkanese. "Okay, what's your last name?"
"Grlgggrmmph."
"Great. I'll be right back with that."

I retrieved his card, ran it through the credit card machine, and stopped to find a pen, at which point I ran into T, who seemed a bit testy. Apparently his night was not going quite as smoothly. We exchanged a quick couple of words, and as I was turning back to the Drunk Mumbly Guy, he looked blearily in the general direction of my left ear and demanded to know where his drink was.
"You didn't order a drink. You asked me to close your tab."
"Mmmglph... bullshit...drink mmmglph."
"No, you didn't ask for a drink, and you obviously don't need one, because you are totally wasted, so please sign your tab."
He flipped me off, and before I could say another word T was in front of me, pointing in the guy's face and telling him to "sign his shit and get the fuck out."
The guy continued to protest, and T poked him hard in the side of the head. I knew what he was doing, and I found it a bit unnecessary.
"I've got it," I told him. I was wrong. There followed much repetition, me trying to get him to sign his credit card slip and him being drunk and stupid, until finally i went over to my boss.
"I don't have time for this shit, can you please handle it?"
N, the other bartender, who is bigger than T or me, went around and escorted the guy to my boss, who was waiting with his card and the slip.
In the end, the Mumbler was escorted from the building by his throat to the sidewalk, but he tipped us so that was okay. Idiot.