Ding Dong.

The Witch is Dead.

Remember how I said that Grandma will not be told what to do? Apparently it was more serious than I thought. I didn't see her all weekend, and since Scooter was there a couple days in a row, I started to wonder what was going on. Apparently she told some one that she had hurt her back, to which Stupid Redneck Sarah, in a rare moment of brilliant wit and comic timing, snorted

"Hurt her back doin' what?"

I nearly peed myself.

Anyway, Grandma has not returned to our little corner of retail hell, and I learned through a visit from Peggy Plants and her boss today that Grandma will not be returning. Ever. Which is about the best thing I could have hoped for. Apparently Barb went into a meeting with them and gave them her opinion of the situation, singing my and E's praises and basically just telling them the unfortunate truth about Grandma. I told L that I owe her a beer and a hand job (from the person of her choice, as I assume she has no desire to get a hand job from me). Seriously, this is fantastic news. And I can't wait to run into Creepy Christy now. I decided that rather than chewing her out, which was my first instinct, I am going to thank her earnestly for the warning and apologize for offending her with my trash talk. She loves drama, you see, and a good shouting match will only fuel her fire. If I make her believe that she has in some way helped me, it will totally ruin her day, which is exactly what I want. It will also lead her to believe I am naive, and I always say that being underestimated is the best way to have the upper hand.

In other news, I busted my ass all weekend, and my garden now looks more like an actual garden than a big fenced-in weed patch. We have about ten kinds of tomatoes planted, as well as four kinds of basil, four peppers, and green beans. My big dirt delivery won't come before next weekend, so I am at a bit of a standstill until then, but I think I need the rest anyway.

I've also put in another lantana, and my blackberries are in a bigger pot because I couldn't decide where they should go in the yard. The raspberries ( I had to check that spelling twice. It never looks right to me. I blame the advertising and marketing geniuses who decided that "razz" was snappier) haven't bloomed, but both of my gardenias are surviving. Gotta get my butterfly bush in ASAP. It is already starting to bloom. Wish that digging in our yard wasn't so difficult. But like, my mom always says: "Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up faster." Not sure what the hell that means, but I get the idea that it has something to do with not saying "I wish" followed by something stupid all the time.

Photos to follow, but right now I've got some broccoli to eat.