Steven Colbert Tried to Warn Me...

So Monday night I'm at home alone. The weather is fantastic, so I have both the front door and the back door propped open, and a cool breeze rustling through the makeshift screen door. I'm sitting here at the computer when the smaller of my two dogs (Wyatt) starts barking frantically in the yard. Now, anybody who is a dog owner knows the difference between a playful or possibly alert bark and a "Heywhatthefuckisthatthingrightthere- ohmygoditscomingtowardusrightnow!" bark. This was most definitely the latter. I jumped up and ran to the door, calling him to come in. Wyatt, you see, thinks he is very ferocious because he has a big dog (German Shepherd) body. the problem is that this body rests on little dog (corgi) legs, which at four inches or so long, means his belly practically drags the ground and he doesn't move very fast. Anyway, Kilgore (who is seventy pounds and has normal legs and is therefore more of a "protector," as it were) runs right past me and goes to investigate. I can hear something out there, and it isn't rustling around so much as it is stomping around, in the very tall grass at the back of the property where I cannot see it, but it does sound vaguely like it might be coming my way.
My first thought is that somebody is out there, and I'm home alone, and I don't have a gun, so i had best get everybody indoors. This is not easy, because again, Wyatt is hell bent on protecting the yard. I try to call the b.h. at work and see how soon he will be here. I consider just getting in the car (it's five feet from the door) with the dogs and getting the hell out of here. I can't reach the b.h., so i don't know if he is on the way or not. i also can't reach J, who is giving the b.h. a ride home. Crap. So I get the dogs in, lock the doors, and turn off the inside lights. I layed in the living room and watched a movie, never hearing another thing, with the dogs posted at the door. Okay, false alarm.
So the b.h. gets home, and I tell him my story, and I laugh at myself a little for being so paranoid. Then the b.h. gets up this morning and finds this in the paper:

Bear making tracks in Clarke, Oconee, callers say
Single male, probably lonely
By Josh White | Banner-Herald Intern | Story updated at 12:46 AM on Wednesday, June 7, 2006

West Athens may have a new resident. He's hairy, stays up late and may root through garbage.
Sources, however, say he might be passing through.
Several callers from western Athens-Clarke and northern Oconee counties reported seeing a black bear during the past week, according to Alex Coley, a wildlife biologist with the state Department of Natural Resources' Region 3, a 20-county area that includes Athens, Atlanta and Augusta.
"There have been no problems," Coley said of the bear. He - likely a male, anyway - has not become a nuisance, and the DNR has not dispatched employees to capture the bear, because so far he has minded his business.
Athens-Clarke Animal Control is not equipped to handle bear capture, said Superintendent Patrick Rives, and therefore relies on the DNR to handle such reports.
"We (the DNR) do not go out and try to catch the bear unless it becomes a real nuisance," Coley said.
The bear also is in a localized region in western Clarke County, and is not traveling across a wide area, Coley added.
Melissa Cummings, the regional public affairs coordinator for the DNR, also confirmed the reports of the bear.
"We certainly don't have the resources or personnel to chase after every sighting," Cummings said, adding that the DNR responds to animal sightings only if the animal poses a risk to humans or becomes trapped.
The DNR's most common means of wild animal capture are traps or tranquilizer guns, Cummings said
The most recent sighting came Monday evening on Mars Hill Road, where eyewitness claimed that the bear ran across the road. People also have spotted the bear behind Sam's Club on Atlanta Highway, said Coley.
"In most cases, these guys will keep moving along and get as far away from people as they can," Cummings said. Coley hopes the bear will find his way back to suitable territory away from people.
Having black bears move through populated areas, Cummings said, is typical of this time of year, when the bear population is moving more than usual.
This is mating season, which often causes increased aggression in older males to forcibly send away younger males. Most displaced bears are 1- to 3-year-old male bears.
The black bear population has increased during the last decades as well, and most of the good habitats are saturated with bears, Coley said.
"All the good places to live in the mountains are gone," Coley said.
Mating season will end in July however, and Coley predicts that bear sightings in populated Georgia regions will taper off.
The DNR is currently tracking the Athens-area bear through eyewitness reports, as well as one reportedly seen in Duluth, Coley said.
There have been very few black bear attacks in Georgia - and no fatalities - and only two documented fatal encounters in the Southeast, according to DNR data.
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Okay, so add BLACK BEAR to the growing list of wildlife here at Chateau AGOI. Yikes. False alarm, indeed. Needless to say, i will be making a trip to the dog bakery today.