My New Co-Workers.

Sarah is stupid. And I don't know if I would feel comfortable saying that if she weren't also bitchy, negative, and openly racist. But she is all of those things, so I am. The other day at work a customer needed something loaded into her car. This is Sarah's job, although she really, really doesn't want it to be- so when she was paged to the loading area she did not respond. The cashier asked me to please go find somebody, because the cashier cannot leave her station. I finally found Sarah in the very back of the outdoor area, with her back turned to me, hiding behind a stack of cardboard. She was texting somebody on her cell phone. And when I walked up and told her she was needed, she didn't bother to stop, or even to look up at me. Man am I glad I am not an employee of the Big Stupid Box Store. If I were, I would be bitter about having to do her job because she doesn't seem to do much of anything. But I'm not, so I just walked away.

Elizabeth is fantastic. She knows everything there is to know about plants. I am doing my best to soak up as much of her knowledge as possible. She is also very pretty. She has hair that is a natural red shade that those of us with dishwater blonde hair would kill for. She also has a lot of stalkers. Weird old men come in looking for her all the time. They ask her a thousand questions and never buy a thing. Needless to say she doesn't like it. I came up with a stalker-avoidance plan for her yesterday: When I spot one, I will wait for them to ask for her, then page her over the store's system. When she responds, I will pretend it is somebody else.
"Hey Dana. Do you know where Emily is?" I will say to her, ever so slyly. She will then know that there is a scary old man seeking her attention out in the garden section, and hide in the break room.

"What? Oh- do you know when she works again?" I will then say to no one, because Elizabeth will have hung up and made a run for it. "Okay, thanks."

I will then turn to the stalker and apologize for my lack of information, and then follow him until he leaves. Wish us luck.