Two women, early thirties, walking alone down a street at two in the morning. They're chatting, not really paying much attention to the man (I use that term loosely, as he was clearly a fucking frat boy) in the gray fleece and the white baseball hat on his cell phone walking toward them. As he passes them, he lunges toward the nearest woman, sticking out his tongue and screaming "Blahhhhh!" right in her face.
The woman turns toward him, takes a step, and then turns and skip side kicks him right in the chest. His whole body folds, momentarily, and his face contorts in confusion, which then turns to rage. The women laugh a little. They continue walking. Still talking on his phone, the man turns to follow the two women, shouting after them
"Now I'm going to follow you. Isn't that funny?"
"Yeah, in fact, it's fucking hilarious," retorts The Kicker.
There is a police car in the street adjacent to them, lights flashing, with a car pulled over. Two more cops approach on bikes.
"Officer!! This man is following me!! Help me please! This man is following me!!"
The cops pay no attention.
"What the fuck?!" the befleeced fellow continues. "You just hit me for no fucking reason!!"
"You just screamed in my fucking face! We're women, we're walking alone, and it's two in the fucking morning! What are you thinking?!"
"Blah blah blah," continues the drunk man, still following, still on his cell phone.
"Get in the car," says Woman Number Two, opening the passenger door.
"No, I don't want this asshole to get your plate number. What if he fucks with your car later?"
"It's fine. Just get in."
The Kicker gets in the car, and as she is pulling the door shut behind her the man turns and walks in another direction, still shouting obscenities at her (and into his cell phone). Just then a cop comes across the street, and The Kicker gets back out of the car to talk to him.
"Ma'am, did you know that guy?"
"No sir, I have never seen him before in my life. He just screamed in my face and scared me, so I- well, I kind of just hit him."
The cop went after the guy, who was still on his phone. The women got in their car and drove away.
5 comments:
Great story! Sounds like a perfectly appropriate use of Tae Kwon Do to me. Stupid frat boy. I'd love to know what the cop said to him. Ha.
Yeah, I kinda wish I had punched him instead, but it worked out okay.
I really hope the cops arrested him for underage possession or public drunkenness or something... stupid drunk kids. And why didn't the cops respond (since you said there were at least 3) when you called to them? Jerks.
I have to assume that the cops thought I was joking at first. I'm sure I didn't sound scared- I wasn't, after all, but I'd bet that guy talked his way into jail somehow. Douchebag.
When you kicked him, did it make the sound:
"D O U C H E !"
Because in my mind, it does.
Your humble Sahbum,
jh
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