Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I was on faceb00k on Friday night when I got a random instant message. It was from a friend whom I haven't seen in twenty years and have only recently had any contact with at all. He was getting married on Saturday, and he was struggling to write a speech, but he and his lady were planning on coming through this way en route to their honeymoon and he was wondering if they should stop by? Conveniently, the b.h. and I were both off on Monday, so I said hells yes please do stop by it would be lovely and congrats and blah blah blah. I gave hm my number and told hm we should play it by ear because weddings could be exhausting, etc. I then pretty much put it out of my head, since I had to work on Saturday and Sunday. I did wash up the linens in the guest room when I got home on Saturday, just in case. And I cleaned the kitchen. When I got home on Sunday, the b.h. had done a considerable amount of housework and the house looked a lot better. I heard from my friend Y on Sunday n the evening. He and the new wife were just North of the border at his mom's house, where they would stay for the night. We made plans to see each other on Monday. I was very relaxed about the time frame (in retrospect I think I was relieved, because no matter what I told myself I really wanted some more time to straighten up) saying that they should take their time and just let me know when they thought they might arrive. He called the next morning when we were still in bed. He said he thought they would be here around noon. I dragged myself from bed and started the laundry. I then started piling all of the stuff that had accumulated on the desk in the office/guest room into baskets (because really, who has time to actually go through and organize that crap?) which I then stashed in the closet. Some of you may remember this cleaning method from old posts about bands crashing unexpectedly at our house. No, apparently I haven't changed.

Anyway, I was drinking a cup of tea and reading Annie Proulx on the porch when Y and his new wife arrived. They both have French names, and their names rhyme, so, as he explained "It easy for you to remember." He was right. He looked pretty much the same, with a few added pounds and a couple of wrinkles like me. It was only when they came inside and Y said that his wife was very surprised that we hadn't seen or really talked to each other in twenty years and he was just going to come to our house that I realized how odd it was. It could have been really awkward- or worse. But it wasn't. They both took immediately to the dogs, and we all went for a hike in the woods behind the house. We spent that time kind of catching each other up. They have five kids between them, all from previous marriages (four are hers and one is his). They have a dog and a cat that thinks he is a dog, and they both work as accountants. They are obviously very happy and very n love and love their lives and their big crazy family. I was very surprised to find that A had four teenagers, because I am fairly certain that she is younger than I am. Y has a six-year-old. He had been married at age 22. I thought for a minute about what my life might be like had I married the guy I was dating at 22. And then I shuddered inwardly. Whew.

After the hike we sat at the house for a bit, then picked up the b.h. from the library. Y and I ran to the store while A and the b.h. stayed here and fixed a snack for all of us. We sat around the coffee table, dogs alternately snuggling all of us, and talked like old friends, Y occasionally having to translate our English for A and her French for us, but otherwise pretty much without pause. I realized a couple of things about myself and my life:
1. If you are a friend, a real friend, we can go any length of time without talking or seeing each other and when we finally do we will pick up exactly where we left off without skipping a beat.
2. Also, if you bring a friend or a significant other, I will immediately include them into the equation without question (unless they act crazy), and I expect your interaction with the b.h. will be the same.
3. I wish we could see more of our friends more often.

We took them to Morse Farm to get a maple creemeee and feed the goat, and a bit later we all went to dinner at the Alchemist in Waterbury. When we got home they taught us a few choice phrases in French (use your imagination). We all turned in early, and they were off this morning fairly early. We promised to visit them in Quebec City as soon as possible, and I hope we are able to make good on that before the year is out.

3 comments:

Z said...

How lovely to have a chance to catch up like that.

What I think is great is how my children have each taken each other's partners into the family with no hesitation. There's an assumption that they will just fit in. I'm so glad that Ronan has a really nice girlfriend - all the others get on so well that it could have been awkward if she had felt left out.

The other thing that I've found is that, when I meet a blogfriend, we just dive into a conversation at once, with no careful initial chitchat. I suppose I know some bloggers as well, in a way, as I know people I've known in real life for years.

You really wanted a full post in your comment box, didn't you?

heybartender said...

It was, and i agree. The b.h. just jumped right in to my family, and I with his.
I haven't met any blog friends in person, but I suspect it would be the same for me. I know anyone who reads this is more up to date on my life than most people I talk to once in awhile.
And yes, I do love a whole post in my comments. Why not? I think of it as an actual exchange, rather than me just blathering into the void.

loobyloo said...

That's great, that's exactly how friendship should be. When I got back from living in Portugal some people in Lancaster were a bit puzzled, wondering where I'd been for two years, and then within 5 mins it's straight back where yu left off.

I also think it's absolutely crucial toi think, about prospectoive partners, "How is this person going to get on with my friends?" If they're ging to be awkward and self-absorbed, then it's no good.

And that office tidying tip sounds great!