Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Fly's the Limit.

So it seems that 0kkervil River is touring with Neko C@se as well as the New P0rnogr@phers. And they're coming to The fucking theater. Awesome. I've been meaning to check out Neko Case forever and ever. I am embarrassed to say that I am only now doing so. And I love it. Ah well, better late than never. We have forty gigs worth of stuff on the iP0d, so it's not like I'm totally sheltered. Now, off to see what TNP is all about.

And now for some random silly shit that probably only bartenders will find funny. You know how people (kids, mostly) have a habit of totally fucking up drink names because they don't really know what they're ordering? My old favorites were the "Amarillo Sour" (rather than the Amaretto Sour, which is as it sounds: Amaretto and sour mix) and the "Mattress" (which should be Madras, made with vodka, cranberry, and orange juice). My new faves are "Umbrella Sour" and "Stellar" (Which is supposed to be "Stella"- as in Stella Artois, which is WRITTEN ON THE BOTTLE. That guy only had to repeat himself three or four times before I figured out what the hell he was saying.
Yep, the fun never ends.

So there was this band what played the other night. They were young, they were dumb, and they were not good. This is not unusual, honestly, so I didn't think much of it until they started being kind of shitty to the sound guy. Not knowing what the fuck you are talking about is excusable until you start getting shitty with the guy who does know, who is only trying to help your shitty band sound better. So they were on stage soundchecking, and one of them would ask a question, and as the sound guy was trying to answer, the Douchebag Guitar Player would start noodling around on his guitar, thereby making it impossible for anyone to hear the answer to the question. He did this repeatedly. The SG was patient. The DGP was adamant that he have what he wanted, and at the same time making it more difficult for the SG to help him get it right.
When the band finally started, the GP was acting like a sullen little brat. He was wearing a white polo shirt and boat shoes, and I swear if he had just popped his collar up he could have been the James Spader character in any teenage 80's movie. (This begs the question: Do frat boys even realize that That Guy in those movies is the character that nobody likes? And if so, why would you want to look like That Guy?) Anyway, he started posing and preening while his girlfriend was taking pictures. Then he was really acting like he was bored because, you know, he is such a good guitar player that the shit was so easy. And then he did something so hilarious that I almost fell out behind the bar. He pulled it up and started playing it behind his head. I felt so sorry for the other guys in his band...
And then I realized that his fly was wide open.


Fuck, The New P0rn0graphers sound great, too. I'll have to make sure I get tickets to that show.

5 comments:

Jamie said...

The New Pornographers are one of my favorite bands in the entire world. I can't believe I haven't managed to introduce you to them by now!

heybartender said...

Well now that you've got my full attention, I am ready for recommendations.

alfredblog said...

their latest album, challengers, is fucking amazing. xo

Jenn said...

I was hot for James Spader, though I would have kicked him in the nuts several times after boinking him had I been one of those big-hairded skrawny bitches he'd do back when he was hot.

I do not, however, like frat boys or pretentious musicians so that guy woulda just got the foot.

heybartender said...

AJ- Thanks for the recommendation! You gonna catch them on that tour?

Jenn- I *still* think Spader is hot. Have you seen Boston Legal? I don't know how he manages to be pasty and paunchy and still very appealing, but wow.